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2006-05-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Is it true that some people are born to lead and others to follow?
Maybe Yes. Some people are destined to be rich, intelligent and succesful. To have everything smooth sailing for them, their life planned out to the smallest detail. Good for them.

How about the rest of the world? What will happen to them? Do they have to resign to the fate of being 2nd class, or (sth that sounds better) support staff?

I was sharing with my boyfriend about why I get annoyed at award ceremonies, especially those that commend academia excellence. And the subject of annoyance is yours truly. Perhaps you'll say I'm just jealous of people getting attention for their hard work. (Maybe). Or, you'll say that they're just born intelligent, it's a different playing field altogether, so, no point hurting yourself by being upset.

No. I'm frustrated at myself. For being not as hardworking, not as intelligent, not as diligent, not as good as them. We all strive to attain a goal in life that is insurmountable at the present. We have dreams that we want to reach. But, what if you keep falling short of everything and it's not because your goals are crazy? I believe that many others had similiar painful encounters regarding self limitation. We try and try and try harder each time. After everything's over, we look back and ask outselves whether we've giving it our very best shot- often yes. Yet, it's not enough.

So, my boyfriend asked me, Am I looking down on people who just can't seem to be good at anything? No. If that's the case, then I'll be degrading myself along with it. However, I just refuse to conform to the notion that there are people who are born to be better than others. That's why I continue to read, study and learn more, in an attempt to be on par, if not better than others. Maybe, it's self-inferiority, that I've been suppressed and looked down before. So, is striving for your goal with different motivation always wrong?

Then, the argument of Jesus made everyone with a special purpose comes in. Though I've been a Christian all my life, I just can't get this straight. The Bible tells me the faith is believing in what is yet unseen. So, does this process of faith involve being hurt and grinded?

Okay, I've gone too far. I need to repent. I need to go back to the cross and empty all my burden and the hurt that I'm causing myself. Just one last sentence before I eternally not talk about this: Is it wrong to strive for the best- to be as good as others, since everything hints that you are defying the purpose of your existence?

intrigued by the world

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